Our Story

I've debated (over the past 18 months) on whether or not to write this post.  I've started it several times, but stopped for fear of judgment, criticism, people feeling "sorry for me", etc.  Other ideas that have run through my head: it's the Internet, it's too personal, why bother.

Trust me, there are many other reasons why I have battled over telling this particular story, but today (actually over the course of several weeks), I just decided to write it...document it...get it out.  I've never been one to be shy about sharing my feelings,  but I'm also cautious about how I should word certain things.  I won't be telling every detail--I'll just give an overview.  Hopefully, there will be some who will understand and pray for us.  There may even be some who can relate.

Here goes *deep breath*:

Some of my readers may remember that in April of 2011, we suffered a miscarriage.  We were sad, but we got through it.  God gave me the joy that only He can give.  I was unhappy, but my joy was abundant.  Does that make sense?  "The joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10--this was very true for me.

Here's a little piece of info that is totally relevant to our story, but may seem like TMI: We were blessed to conceive very quickly with our two daughters and the baby we miscarried.  After the miscarriage, we were ready to try again.  We got the 'okay' from the doctor and that is just the beginning of our story.  Here we are, 18 months later.

So....18 months.  That's not that long.  I am well aware that there are countless people that have had to go through this for much, much longer.  I know that it must be even more devastating for those that don't even have children yet.  I get it.

18 months--it's not that long unless you are the one getting the 'negative' answer each and every month:
negative. negative .negative. negative. negative .negative. negative. negative. negative. negative. negative. negative. negative. negative. negative. negative. negative. negative.
That's eighteen for those of you counting.

And I'm sure that there are some who will wonder things like this:  You already have two children, can't you just be happy with that?  Trust me, I thank the Lord for those two little girls every single day (not an exaggeration). They are such an apparent blessing in our lives.  We adore them with all of our hearts.  If we only have those two little girls, we will praise Him.

We would love another child or more children.  We desire more children.  We long for more kids.  How great are children!  They are such a blessing and we love teaching them about our Lord and Savior.  We love sharing our lives with them.

I'm told I'm not an anomaly.  Apparently, it's not uncommon to suffer infertility after having children or even conceiving so quickly. For the past few months, we have been seeing a reproductive endocrinologist.   Every single, solitary test I've undergone has had a positive result.  I'm taking a common fertility drug right now, but we are unsure of what we will do next.  We are prayfully considering our options.

God has a plan for us.  It may involve more children.  It may not.  We are seeking his wisdom in our decision making and praying that He would give us another child.  We are surrendered to His will for our family.  God is growing me closer and closer to Him.  It's wonderful and I still have that joy I talked about earlier.  I'm so thankful that I have Him!  In the future, I hope to share some of the things He has taught me. For now, this is about all I have the strength to write.

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice."  Philippians 4:4
(commentary for Philippians 4:4 verse)

**update: Shortly after publishing this post, we found out the wonderful news that we were expecting.  We had some hiccups in the beginning of our pregnancy that landed us back in the doctor's office with the "threatened miscarriage" diagnosis.  On May 6, 2013 our Joy Tatum was born--happy and healthy!  Our Joy...His Glory!


  1. So brave of you to share! Praying too that you will find wisdom and peace on this journey! I know beyond a shadow of a doubt God has big plans in your future even if they don't seem to be going that way now! Praying with you!!

  2. Praying for your family and for God's will. Thank you for sharing, I'm sure it was hard.

  3. You are SO brave to both share this story and go through the fertility treatments. I was told when I was 18 that I would have no children. They offered me counseling but I believed that I was always to adopt. Last year I had to go to a different doctor and asked her opinion, only to hear no children. Ok, no biggie been hearing that for years. Then they found the cancer and the cancer doctor said well, with these treatments and everything else (endometriosis and perio-menopausal since i was 27) there is a 98% chance of no. Wait, what? Now there is a 2% chance. She told me that I could have all the testing you are having and that shut me down. After all of the cancer stuff and the research I have done afterwards, I am back to no kids in my mind. I always figure that if God has children in my plan after I meet my guy, well then it is an incredible blessing.
    I will pray for you :-)

  4. Thanks for sharing your story and for being honest. Us bloggers out there appreciate it so that we can know your heart so much deeper. Sorry for your struggle I can't say that I can relate but I know what it is like to struggle with various things and it's hard. It is definitely an opportunity to trust the Lord! Whether you birth more children or not, know that you are a wonderful mom to those two little blessings! Love ya!

  5. Leslie-I've shared some with you of our struggle and you know how it ended with our adoption.
    God has a plan-this has not caught Him by surprise. Seek Him through this, because I guarantee (through experience) He is wanting to teach you something. Ultimately.....total trust and dependence on Him like you've never surrendered before!
    Love and prayers,

  6. I appreciate your honesty. It will be an encouragement to so many. I have 3 beautiful girls, but also have 3 precious babies in heaven. I look forward to meeting them one day! May the joy of the Lord be your strength! Life to the full, Melissa

  7. Thank you so much for being brave enough to share y'alls story. I miss Graham a lot, and being able to pray for your family makes me feel relevant still.
    Your beautiful family hasn't even seen a fraction of the blessings God has for you. I will pray confidently with you.

  8. I read this the other day but got interrupted before I could comment. This morning it hit me that I hadn't commented! Love this post, your vulnerability & total dependence on God. Praying for y'all.

  9. It wouldn't let me write anymore!!!! Grr!!!! So excited to see what God has in store for you guys. Sometimes it's so hard to wait while He's working. ;) Love y'all!!! So much!!!!

  10. Leslie--I am a friend of Graham and Corey's from HS. Your story sounds so much like mine. After two babies, I suffered from secondary infertility. I also have 2 babies in Heaven. After seeing a specialists, a breast tumor scare and lots of prayer, we decided to stop trying and enjoy being a family of four. Our third miracle justed turned 2 and our fourth is due in February. God is always in control! I have been praying and will be praying for you and your family!
    Jeremiah 29:11

  11. love this post and your honesty and transparency and I know anyone can see how hard this must have been for you!! I'm especially glad to read it after I read the your most recent post saying you are expecting! Praise God! Now we can thank Him and glorify Him because you were willing to be vulnerable and transparent. Thank you!!!


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For our joy and His glory,