How many of you struggle with an anxious heart? My hand is higher than yours!!! I lack trust due to my anxiety. I know that it is sin and I find myself constantly bringing my sin before the Lord in repentance.
These past few weeks have been no exception:
Two weeks ago, I went in for my glucose test and blood work--protocol at this stage in the game. I wasn't concerned because gestational diabetes has never been something that I've had to deal with. Instead, the nurse called me to inform me that I passed the glucose test, but my blood levels were lower than normal (I'm anemic, not that surprising or concerning) and my platelet count was lower than normal (news to me). At the time, I didn't think much of this diagnosis because the nurse assured me that no harm comes to me or the baby with this condition although routine blood work would be the norm from here on out.
As any anxiety-prone person knows: Don't go searching the Internet in uncertain times. So, what do you think I did? You guessed it! By Friday afternoon, I was worried. My doctor called to talk about low-platelet counts in pregnancy AKA gestational thrombocytopenia and did little to ease my fears. Apparently, about 8% of pregnant women have this complication. Of the 8%, 30 percent of the cases are due to autoimmune disorders (Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, etc.) and the other 70 percent of the cases are just unfortunate to have this low platelet thingy. I had ANA panels drawn to rule out autoimmune disorders (PTL, they were negative) and I am one of the 70 percent that just has this rare condition. My initial blood work confirmed my platelet counts at 118,000 (normal is 140-400,000) and in one week's time the platelets had dropped another 4,000. As it turns out, there isn't much I can do to raise the counts and there isn't anything I am doing, per se, to cause the platelet counts to drop. It's all just science, unfortunate...end of story. Well, sort of...Basically, if my platelet count drops below 100,000 I will not be able to have a spinal during my c-section. Dr. can't monitor the puncture from the needle and there could be concern for excess bleeding. That means I will most likely be given general anesthesia during delivery. In other words, put to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Now some of you are reading this and thinking: What's the big deal? Baby is healthy, right? Quit your belly aching. It could be so much worse. Don't lie, I know that is what some of you are thinking. And to you I would say, you're absolutely right! It could be a whole lot worse. As far as we know, Joy Baby is just fine. I am fine. I am so blessed to be having another precious baby girl! I hear you and I agree.
I am a
This is all hypothetical. There is a chance that my platelet count could stay above 100. There is also a very likely chance that they could drop way below 100. It's just not certain and I still have 12 weeks until delivery.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Okay, now that I've spilled the beans with y'all. Here's the great news:
I know from experience that God grows me leaps and bounds through the trials of life. He teaches me more about Him. He has done it before and He is at it again--To God be the Glory! After my convo with the doctor, the Lord hushed my anxiety with this: Leslie, are you going to trust Me? This is just another attempt to get you to trust in Me. To which I earnestly replied, Yes, Lord!
I am reading through Exodus right now. Along with my Bible reading, I am going through Warren Weirsbe's commentary: BE DELIVERED. I must share this little excerpt from my reading:
The question God asks is this: "Will you trust Me?" He asks, "Will you trust Me to deliver you from this perilous situation? Will you trust Me to deliver you from financial ruin? Will you trust Me to deliver you from the sadness of the death of a loved one? Will you trust Me to deliver you from fear of tragedy, from anxiety about the future, from a dead-end job, from a crippling illness? And if I choose not to deliver you in the way that you desire, for reasons of My own, will you trust Me to provide you with the strength to endure, believing that: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness?" (2 Cor. 12:9) The Big Idea: An Introduction to Be Delivered by Ken BaughOur God is a mighty God! He hears our cries from heaven and He cares! "Do not fear, stop being afraid, for I am with you always." Yes, He is! I am convicted, challenged, and comforted by this truth.
Thanks for hearing me out. I hope you heard my heart and not just a belly-aching whiner. I am going to trust and obey my Heavenly Father.
Amen and Amen.